Breakable Hummingbirds
by Becks Rylynn
Summary: When Ben Braeden lost everything, he was left an orphan with nowhere to go. Until the most unlikely savior swooped in and took him into her home, effectively changing both of their lives in profound, irreversible ways.
1. Chapter One

_Well, here it is. The super secret story I've been working on for what feels like forever. Why do you think it's taking me so long to finish Goodnight, Moon? It's because this mofo keeps distracting me. (By the way, the final chapter of Goodnight, Moon will be up before Monday.) Consider it my Christmas gift to you. It's not actually a Christmas story, but the whole theme of this story is FAMILY and to me nothing says the holidays more than family._

_Okay, so some info on this story: First of all, the POV will switch between Ben and Ruby throughout the story (I'm thinking it's more going to be Ben with Ruby interludes). Second of all, it starts out in past tense and then goes into present tense. Third of all, this story is like a mix of Stepmom, the Cohen's taking in Ryan Atwood on The OC, some kind of twisted ass murder mystery, Gilmore Girls/Life Unexpected, a lifetime movie and that episode of Angel where he turns human. And it's all on acid._

_Now, since there is an unfortunate character limit on summaries, the FULL SUMMARY for this story is below._

_And there is, of course, one last thing I must mention:_

_Happy Birthday, Katie Cassidy! The lovely Ms. Cassidy turns 24 today. And I'm not ashamed to admit that this story was supposed to be an epic length oneshot, but I got too excited about posting it so I decided to post it on her birthday and turn it into a multi-chapter instead. Plus, at this point I'm thinking turning it into a multi-chapter is a better plan than my original. I don't know how long this story is going to be, but probably not very long. It's not really short, it's just not an epic length multi-chapter like Queen of Hearts or anything._

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**Title:**_ Breakable Hummingbirds  
_**Summary:** When Lisa Braeden first got sick, her main priority was what would happen to Ben. She planned to send him to live with his father, but an unforeseen turn of events leaves Ben an orphan with nowhere to go. Until his sharp tongued, tough as nails stepmother took him into her home, effectively changing both of their lives in profound, irreversible ways.  
**Characters: **The main characters are Ben Braeden and Ruby with Sam and Cas as supporting characters and Dean and Lisa as mostly unseen, but often mentioned presences that start the whole chain of events. Also, a certain Original Character of mine will be making an appearance, but I can't say who it is or I will ruin it.  
**Pairing:** Well, the main focus of this story is the friendship/mother/son type relationship that develops between Ruby and Ben (MOTHER/SON TYPE RELATIONSHIP, NOT ROMANCE) but there is strong Dean/Ruby, some vague, mostly onesided Castiel/Ruby. Other than that there is Sam/Ruby friendship, Dean/Lisa/Ruby friendship, Castiel/Ruby friendship and there might be some Ben/OC later on. Currently, I'm also trying to decide if I should put a little Sam/Jo into the story.  
**Genre:** Angst/Family  
**Rating:** T for some themes.  
**Timeline:** Good God, I don't know. I'm having trouble with the actual timeline in the series considering we lost a year. Let me just put it this way: When the story opens, Ben is eleven and then it skips to when he's thirteen. Do with that what you will.  
**Spoilers:** Well, if you know about Ruby, Lisa, Ben and Cas then I think you're good to go. I'd say there are blanket spoilers for probably the entire series.  
**Warnings:** Character death, strong language, possibly some uncomfortable images, medical jargon, character suicide, human!Ruby, pregnancy and AU. By the way, these warnings make the story sound darker than it actually is.  
**Dedication:** To all of my readers, subscribers and reviewers. Happy Holidays!

**Notes:** Title comes from the poem _Miss Drake Proceeds to Supper _by Sylvia Plath. Something about the line _The new woman in the ward wears purple, steps carefully among her combinations of eggshells and breakable hummingbirds_ gets me every single time and I have wanted to use Breakable Hummingbirds as a title ever since I first read that poem and now I finally have a story where it fits. So I'm excited.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything.

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**Breakable Hummingbirds**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

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Chapter One:

_''The Weight of Water''_

**

* * *

**

Mom started getting sick when he was eleven.

At first it was nothing major. Just flu like symptoms that he thought would go away. Mom was the strongest person he knew and it was just the flu so he was sure she would be fine with a few days of rest. But then he noticed that the flu she had seemed to be lasting longer than any flu he had ever seen.

She did almost too well at hiding the numerous doctors' appointments from him, but the seriousness of the situation was not lost on him. Mom did her best to brush it off, touching his cheek lightly and winking whenever she noticed the wary look on his face. He should have known things were really bad when she started trying to get in touch with his father. But he was so excited at the possibility of finally having a Dad that he pushed the gnawing fear to the back of his mind.

When he was almost twelve, Mom sat him down with a smile that shook on her lips and said those three words that changed his life forever:

''I have cancer.''

* * *

She started chemotherapy right away and put on a brave face for her son, even though all the chemo seemed to be doing was making her sicker. Ben did his best to pretend like he was fine because he had to be strong for Mom but inside he was terrified. His mother was slowly slipping away from him right in front of his eyes. He reserved the right to be scared out of his mind.

Mom could pretend with the best of them but even her acting abilities couldn't hide how sick she was getting. And Ben was mature for his age, everyone told him that, but Mom needed help that he couldn't give her.

She didn't have many friends and Ben could _not_ take care of her. Mom was an only child and so was her mother, who died when Ben was a baby and the only family she had was a great aunt who was like a hundred and her father. Mom never talked about her Dad, but the scars on her back told Ben he was a bad dude. And she was so devoted to Ben that friends had never really been a big part of her life. The one friend she had, Dawn, did what she could, but she had a family of her own to care for. Mom's lawyer, Dalton something, had become somewhat of a fixture during her illness too but he wasn't even close to being a friend or family.

Mom made a valiant attempt to take care of herself, but the treatments were getting more and more aggressive and when her hair started falling out, she couldn't pretend anymore. The doctors suggested bringing a nurse in. Something that Mom quickly vetoed. Ben was sitting next to her when she told the doctor, ''No, it's all right. I think I know someone who can help.''

It was the precise reason why he was not all that shocked when he came home one day and found Dean Winchester aka his _father_ sitting at the kitchen table with Mom sitting across from him. For some reason, what shook Ben the most was when he caught sight of the gold wedding band on Dean's left ring finger. Huh. Did _not _expect _that._

Despite the unbearable heaviness in the room, Dean still made a half hearted attempt to smile and offered him a greeting of, ''Hey, Ben. Dude, you've gotten _tall_.''

Ben looked back and forth between the two adults and then forced a smile. It was something he was becoming disturbingly good at.

* * *

Later, after what was probably the most awkwardest (what? awkwardest was totally a word) dinner in the history of...ever, he abandoned his English homework in favor of eavesdropping. He sat at the top of the stairs, peered down at Mom and Dean - Dad? Could he call him Dad already? Was that what he was supposed to do? - and listened intently to their conversation. Dad - Nope, too weird. Too soon - Dean had his head in his hands while Mom calmly made herself a cup of the herbal tea that was supposed to help strengthen her immune system or something.

''Christ, Lisa,'' Dean muttered, looking up. ''You told me he wasn't.''

Mom shrugged and poured a cup of coffee for Dean. ''I lied.''

''Why?'' Dean demanded sharply. ''Why would you do that? You know I had a right to know. This is my _son_ we're talking about. I should have known. So please, enlighten me, Lisa. Why didn't I know? What's your reasoning?''

Despite the malice in Dean's tone (which Ben did not appreciate one bit 'cause hello, you don't bark at a woman with kidney cancer, that's just_ not cool_) Mom remained perfectly at ease as she sat down across from him and sipped at her tea. ''You would have stayed,'' she said plainly. ''If I had told you Ben was your son, you would have stayed with us and that...It wasn't right for you, Dean. Not then. You had things you needed to do with your life that you couldn't have done with us holding you back.''

''Holding me back? You think you would have been _holding me back_? From what exactly? What part of my life is worth - ''

''_Dean._''

He shut up instantly at the tone of her voice and Ben arched an eyebrow. Well, at least Dean seemed to have good survival instincts. ''Lisa, just - ''

''How long have you been married, Dean?'' Mom cut in, nodding towards his left hand splayed out on the table top.

When he moved his hand, his wedding ring caught the light. At Mom's mention, Dean twirled the ring and there was a long pause in which Ben really wished Dean's back wasn't to him and then there was a sigh and Dean's shoulders deflated. ''Not that long.''

''And do you love her?''

''Of course I love her. She's my wife.''

''And,'' Mom leaned forwards and put her hand on his arm gently. Ben inched closer. ''If you had stayed with us, would you have married this woman you love?''

Eventually, Dean sighed and sank back against his chair. ''No. Probably not.''

There was a long pause between them as Mom drank her tea and Dean rubbed his eyes. Ben knew what was coming next just by the way Mom was looking at Dean and by the way his chest was tightening. He could see it in Mom's eyes. What she was about to say. He wanted to run away, lock himself in his room so he didn't have to hear this, but for some reason, he couldn't move. ''He's going to need you,'' Mom said at last. ''When I'm gone.''

Dean and Ben both tensed and the breath Ben couldn't reach bubbled up in his throat in the form of a cry he wouldn't let out. ''Lisa, why are you doing this?'' Dean choked out, voice tight and strangled. ''Why are you just giving up?''

Mom scoffed and shook her head. ''You think I'm giving up? I'm not giving up, Dean. I'm being realistic. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to fight like hell to stay with my son for as long as I can, but...come on, let's face it. I'm not responding to the treatment and the doctor's say it's spreading.'' She stopped and looked away. When her eyes shone, Ben realized quickly it was the first moment of vulnerability she had shown in a long time. ''I know I'm going to die,'' she said softly.

''Lisa - ''

''And I need to know my son will be okay. Dean, I need to know you'll take care of him.''

The moment of silence that lasted too long terrified Ben. Dean was going to run scared now, wasn't he? He was going to say it was too much and he couldn't deal with having a son. But then there was ''You know I will'' and ''I am not going anywhere this time'' and Ben wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel.

When Mom started to cry, Ben started to wish he had skipped the eavesdropping. He sat back and swallowed the lump in his throat. He could hear Mom's quiet whimpers and Dean's chair scraping back against the floor, followed by low murmurs of comfort Ben couldn't quite decipher. His whole body had gone numb and he could hear the blood rushing to his head. This was it. His mom was going to die. She was going to die and he couldn't stop it.

He couldn't think of a thing in the world that would ever hurt more than that.

* * *

As the months flew by, Mom got sicker and lost her hair, the Winchesters & Company all but moved in and Ben got to know the father he had always wanted to have.

Ben liked the Winchesters and their extended family. He did. He liked Dean because he was cool and pretty much everything Ben wanted to be when he grew up and he was slowly becoming _Dad_ instead of _Dean_. He liked Sam because he was nice and geeky and badass all at the same time and what more could a boy ask for in an uncle? He liked Bobby and Cas and the Harvelle women, who only stopped by about three times, but were nice people who treated the Winchesters - and by extension the Braedens - like family.

The only person Ben wasn't completely sure about was Dean's wife, Ruby. It wasn't that he violently disliked her or anything. It was just that she was an extremely closed off person who didn't give much about herself away and she...didn't really seem like she enjoyed her newfound stepmother-ness. The only people she had regular conversations with were Dean and Sam (and actually, she had pretty regular conversations with Mom too. She was weirdly good at talking people through pain. Ben didn't really want to know how she got to be so good at it).

She was hard eyed and rough, sharp tongued and fiery, but Ben_ knew _she had a heart in there somewhere. She was the only one who treated Mom like she wasn't dying and even though she so obviously tried to hide it, it was clear she loved Dean and Sam to death. And vice versa. It was profoundly clear that they both adored every breath she breathed. Hell, even Bobby and Cas liked her a whole heck of a lot. Dean worshipped the ground she walked on, Sam seemed to look up to her (not literally) and Ben would never say anything, especially not to Dean, but something about the way Cas looked at her screamed love triangle.

She was appropriately polite, she didn't treat him like a little kid and she was majorly badass. (Also, he was past the cootie stage of his life and he was his father's son so he was well aware she was hot.) He thought he could have liked her a lot. He just didn't know her well enough.

But the main problem between Ben and Ruby was that he wasn't really sure if _she_ liked _him._

_

* * *

_

Primarily it was Dean..._Dad_. It was_ Dad _now. Primarily it was _Dad_ and Ruby who took care of Mom and made sure he was fed and getting to school (although it was more Dad who took care of him rather than Ruby) with Sam or Bobby taking over whenever they needed a break. They didn't always stay the night because usually Mom's friend, Dawn, insisted she had that covered and she made it no secret that she was not a fan of the ''ruffians.'' Then again, she also made it clear she ''just didn't have the room'' for Ben in her life so ''it's best that you go with your father, dear.''

Usually, the response to Dawn was an eye roll and a ''Son of a _bitch_, that woman is _annoying_''from Dad.

He liked the Winchester family and everything and he knew he was going to be spending a lot of time with them in the future because Mom was not getting better and the chemo had all but stopped by then, but most of Ben's free time was spent with his mother. Mom was always tired and pale but she still had a beautiful smile and she still looked at him like he was the only light she could see. She was still his mom, no matter how she looked.

Sure, there were scary moments and the hospital trips were growing longer and more devastating to be a part of, but Ben was a strong kid. He had to be. For Mom. He had many opportunities to break. He never thought he'd wind up splintering apart on a Thursday in the middle of the night because the bright white lights of the hospital made his eyes water.

He awoke in the middle of the night to commotion from his mother's room next door and Ruby yelling, ''Dean! Sam! We need you!''

Worried and curious, Ben snuck over to the door, cracked it open just in time to see both Dad and Sam barrel past his room and into Mom's room. When he heard the sound of quiet whimpers, his worry peaked. He opened the door, glanced around the hallway and then played spy, tip toeing towards his mother's room and carefully peering inside.

For a second, he thought some terrible act of violence had taken place because Mom and Ruby both had blood on them. It didn't take him long to realize, however, that Mom was throwing up blood. He figured that out when she did it again, this time managing to get it on both herself and Dad.

''Okay,'' Sam said, trying just a little too hard to make it seem like this wasn't totally terrifying. ''Hospital now.''

''Lisa!'' Dad grabbed Mom's face when her head lolled to the side. ''Hey, hey, hey. Stay with me, hon.''

''Don't call an ambulance,'' Ruby ordered, pointing a bloodstained finger in Sam's direction. ''She doesn't want to scare Ben.''

...Good luck with _that_.

''There's no time for a fucking ambulance anyway,'' Dad muttered before he scooped Mom up into his arms without a degree of difficulty (it was petrifying how frail and thin she was getting). ''I'm takin' her to the hospital.'' When he rushed towards the door, Ben dove back into his own room and tried to pretend he was okay.

''Wait!'' Sam's voice called out. ''What about Ben?'' At the mention of his name, Ben peeked out into the hallway.

''You stay here with him,'' Ruby demanded, glancing over her shoulder as Dad disappeared down the stairs. ''And give me your keys. By the time I get downstairs, they'll be gone. Thank you very much for delaying me by the way.''

Ben hesitated for about a second before he decided to freaking screw it. He didn't care that he was outing himself for spying or that he was supposed to be in bed or that Mom didn't want to scare him. He just wanted his mother. He stumbled out of his room, eyes wide and horrified as the sound of Dad's car roaring to life seemed to shake the entire house like some sort of death omen. (No, no, no! Not_ death_!) ''I want to go with you.''

Sam and Ruby shared a glance. Ben was just trying to avoid looking at the blood staining Ruby's shirt. ''Ben,'' Sam said quietly. ''I don't think - ''

''Please!'' Ben pleaded desperately. ''That's my mom!''

''Okay, kid,'' Ruby cut in sharply before Sam could say another word. ''We don't have time for this. Get your coat and hurry the fuck up.''

''Ruby!''

''What?'' She sent Sam a glare at the warning tone in his voice. ''Did you not see what just happened here, Sam? Because Ben obviously did. I don't think my _language_ is going to scar him for life.''

''Ruby,'' Sam snapped as soon as Ben had scurried into his room. ''This isn't a good idea. He's just a kid.''

Ben rolled his eyes and slipped his jacket on.

''Sam, that is his _mother_,'' Ruby fired back. ''The woman is puking up her organs, all right? She doesn't have much time left. He needs to be with her while he still can. Don't say you wouldn't do the exact same thing.''

Before Sam could say anything, Ben was pushing past them and racing down the hall to get to his mom with Ruby's words ringing unpleasantly in his ears.

_She doesn't have much time left..._

_

* * *

_

The doctors said it had something to do with an infection in her lungs and some other stuff that Ben didn't really understand. What he did understand was when Dad and Ruby got into an argument that could have rivaled a Ross and Rachel blowout (what? His mom liked_ Friends _and since she couldn't do much else, he spent a lot of time watching TV in her room with her). It started when Ruby snapped, ''Dean, if she hasn't kicked the bucket yet, what makes them think this is going to do her in? Now stop fucking pacing, you're making me want to throw up a little bit.''

Although her wording could have been a little better, Ben didn't even flinch because he had heard much worse from the mouths of unsympathetic doctors. Except for that last part. And the profanity. Doctor people usually avoided cursing out their patients._ Usually._

Dad on the other hand, did not take it well. ''For God's sake, Ruby!'' His voice was loud and angry and Ben got the impression it startled even Ruby because she looked up from the magazine she was flipping through. ''Can you, for once, _act like a human being_?''

Ruby recovered astoundingly quickly. ''That might be a little hard,'' she started smoothly. ''Considering I'm - ''

''Uh, guys.''

They paused briefly when Sam nodded towards Ben and Ben rolled his eyes and sunk further into his seat. Right, because he was the totally innocent twelve year old who didn't know anything about what Ruby was. Except that was a lie. He knew exactly what Ruby was. She made a point of telling him that after he got suspicious. Actually, the entire conversation went something like this:

Ben: ''Are you a vampire?''

Ruby: ''No. Demon.''

Ben: ''Oh. I was close. So...are you, like, gonna kill me?''

Ruby: ''If I wanted you dead, Ben, you'd be dead.''

(He had learned very quickly that Ruby didn't _do_ comfort.)

But then she had told him not to tell Dad and Sam that she had told him that. Looked like that was being blown out the window.

''Oh, please,'' Ruby scoffed. ''He knows perfectly well what I am. I told him.''

Dad's eyes widened and Sam threw a hand over his face in exasperation. ''You _told_ him?'' Dad roared. ''He is twelve years old!''

''Yes. Exactly. Twelve. Not two. And he had a right to know.''

''You can be such an idiot sometimes, Ruby.''

And then Ruby decided violence was the answer. In less than a second, she had twisted Dad's arm behind his back and shoved him into the wall hard, effectively startling Ben and making Sam sigh. Again. ''Don't verbally abuse your spouse just because you're scared,'' Ruby said lowly. ''That's a jackass move.''

''Don't physically abuse your spouse just because _you're_ scared,'' Dad shot back, voice muffled by the wall. ''Will you let me go now? You made me bite my lip.''

''Good. I hope it hurts.''

Since Sam did not appear to be doing anything, leaning forwards to drop his head into his hands instead, Ben leapt to his feet and pushed himself in between his father and stepmother, shoving them both as hard as he could. This time he was the one who startled everyone. ''Stop it!'' He shouted, keeping his hands out and looking back and forth between them like they were insane. Which he was actually pretty sure they were, but that was a story for another time. ''Stop acting like this! God! You're supposed to be the parents! You're acting like you're...my age!'' He shot Dad a look, lips turned downwards into a frown. ''Look, Mom's your friend and you love her and you're scared. That's okay. But that doesn't mean you have to act like a dick. And you,'' he whirled around to face Ruby. ''You need to rewire your demonic brain, mmkay? 'Cause you can't pretend you don't care about people forever. I know you care about Mom and I've seen you look at Dad with googly eyes. Don't even try to deny it.'' He shook his head and hesitantly stepped away from them. ''I cannot believe I'm stuck with you two for the rest of my life.''

* * *

It didn't take them long to make up. Minutes later, Dad sat down next to Ruby, handed her a cup of crappy hospital vending machine coffee and when she took it, Ben saw her hand brush against Dad's wedding ring. ...And that was about it. Yeah, those two were weird.

When Mom regained consciousness, the first thing she did was ask for Ruby, something no one decided to question because the two women had gotten surprisingly close and Ben was right on the money when he said Ruby cared about Mom. But just because Ruby and Dad had made up did not stop Ruby from tossing a smug, triumphant smirk in Dad's direction before she disappeared into the hospital room.

To be honest, Ben was kind of relieved when she left, purely because she was covered in Mom's blood and the sight of it was making Ben sick. While Dad and Sam talked quietly, frequently glancing in his direction, Ben sat stone faced in an uncomfortable plastic chair and stared at the wall. He could remember the day Mom told him she had cancer. Quite vividly, actually. The first thing that he thought was 'I can't lose my mom.'

As it turned out, it looked like he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. His mom was going to die. His _mother _was going to _die. _As in, _leave him forever. _He couldn't stop it. He couldn't pray for it to get better because it wasn't going to get better. She wasn't going to be okay. None of it was going to go away. How was he supposed to deal with that? How was he supposed to live with that? What was he going to do without her? All of these terrible thoughts ran through his head and wouldn't stop and when he felt his eyes begin to burn, he tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling only to look right into what had to have been the brightest light in the entire world, forcing the tears out of his eyes. The tears slid down his cheeks and he adamantly wiped them away, sniffling quietly.

When he turned his gaze to his father and Sam briefly, Dad was looking right at him and Sam was nowhere to be seen. Ben looked away as quick as he could, but it wasn't fast enough. Just as he looked away, he saw Dad start to move towards him. He closed his eyes tight and tried to ignore Dad's sigh. ''Ben.'' Dad knelt down in front of him and put a hand on his knee. When Ben started to tremble with the effort it took to keep it all inside, he shook his head. ''Ben.''

''_No_.''

There was a pause and then Ben felt a rough, calloused hand on his cheek. ''_Ben_.''

And Ben couldn't hold it all in and breathe at the same time so he let it all out. A choked sob escaped his lips, he opened his eyes and started to breathe. ''She's not going to get better,'' he cried.

Dad frowned and looked like he wanted to say something to make it okay only he wasn't sure what to say.

''She's not going to get better, Dad. She's going to die. She's going to waste away right in front of me and I can't do anything about it. I can't _save_ her. I just want to save her. That's all I want. All this time, I tried to believe she'd get better because God wouldn't take away my mom, but...but He is. He's taking her away from me.'' He stopped to catch his breath, salty tears dripping down his cheeks. ''And I don't understand..._why._ Why can't she stay? Why can't she stay with me, Dad?'' By the time he was finished, he was sobbing and he didn't even care.

He didn't even stop to think before he was lurching forwards and catapulting himself off the chair and into his father's arms.

For his part, Dad didn't seem all that surprised and despite the fact that he hadn't even been a father for a full year, his fatherly reactions were impeccable. He cradled the boy against his chest, let him cry, rubbed his back and Ben could sense Dad wanted so badly to say everything would be okay, but everything wouldn't be okay. Nothing was going to be okay.

They both knew that.

* * *

The conversation Ben was both expecting and dreading came a few days later while Ben was lying in the hospital bed with Mom, pretending to watch Judge Judy when all he was really doing was counting the breaths Mom was taking. Dad and Ruby had been curled up in a chair next to the bed for a bit while Dad played with Ruby's hair and Ruby played with her phone.

(When asked what she was doing, Ruby had grinned and slyly responded, ''I'm texting Cas. He gets all confused because he doesn't know how to work his phone and he doesn't know the difference between a text and a phone call and when no one answers, he whines. It's fun.''

Dad rolled his eyes and instead of the more cheesy option of holding hands with her, his fingers grazed her wrist before letting his hand fall to her leg. ''Sure, it's fun for you. You're not the one he whines to.''

And the Mom had laughed a tired little laugh that sounded like music and said, ''Sometimes the things that amuse you make me sad.''

''Hey,'' Ruby shrugged. ''Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.'')

But with one careful look from Mom, both Dad and Ruby excused themselves from the room. Dad let his hand linger on Ben's shoulder for a moment before disappearing out the door and something about the gesture just made Ben panic. He swallowed and tried to concentrate on Judge Judy's verbal smack down.

''Ben,'' Mom prodded gently, plucking the remote from his hand and clicking the TV off.

''Hey,'' Ben tried to protest. ''Judge Judy was about to verbally bitch slap that chick!''

''Ben, honey, I think we need to talk.''

He cringed and toyed nervously with the stiff, starchy hospital blanket. ''I don't think I want to have this conversation.''

''Well, tough,'' Mom said in that tone of voice that told Ben there was absolutely no room for discussion. ''There are things I need to say to you.''

''Mom - ''

''Ben.'' She took his trembling hands in her own and he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep the tears at bay. ''I...I need you to know that you...you have been everything to me.''

''Mom - ''

''Just listen to me, honey. You mean more to me than anything else in the world. Do you understand me?''

He nodded because he couldn't find his voice.

''I love you,'' she whispered and when tears sprung to her eyes, Ben bit down harder on his bottom lip because Mom never cried. ''I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. You know,'' a small laugh escaped her lips and her glassy eyes moved to the ceiling like she was trying to see the sky. ''I remember when I was about six or seven months pregnant, I went in for an ultrasound and when I saw you on the screen, it looked like you were waving to me.'' She laughed again and Ben allowed a tiny smile to grace his lips, if only because it was nice to hear his mom laugh. ''You were my whole world from the moment I found out I was pregnant, Ben. And that...that will never change. It doesn't matter if I'm on this earth or not, I will _always _love you. I hope you know that.''

He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, swiping at his eyes. He felt her soft fingertips brush his stubborn tears away just like they had whenever he had a bad dream when he was little. When she pressed her lips against his forehead, a lump grew in his throat that he couldn't swallow down.

''Now,'' she pulled away and when he opened his eyes, she forced a smile. ''About your father...'' She paused and her lips curved downwards as if she were searching for just the right words to say. But when she spoke, there was no hesitance in her voice and her smile was much more real. ''He loves you,'' she said it with a certain degree of pride that Ben had never heard in her voice before. ''He loves you so much. And he is so proud of you. He's...He's going to be great, Ben. I know he is. I mean, look at him. He's only been your dad for a few months and already everything he does is all for you. And Ruby...''

Ben sucked in a nervous breath.

''I know you may not see it yet, but she's going to be good to you. She's not as cold as you think, Ben. There are just things about being human that she doesn't understand. She will though.''

''How can you be so sure?'' Ben asked bravely, looking over at Mom with eyes that wouldn't stop watering.

She tilted her head to the side and seemed to think long and hard about her answer. ''Because I can see certain things in their eyes that you can't see yet.''

He accepted her answer without questioning it and kept his eyes firmly on his hands. There was an ache in his chest that he couldn't make go away and prayers that went unanswered surrounded him in the silence. He broke when Mom put her hand on his and his walls crashed down. He jerked his hand away from hers and shot her a slightly betrayed look. ''I don't understand, Mom. Why can't you just hang on? Your body can get better and - ''

''I'm tired, Ben.''

That was it. She didn't launch into a big speech about letting go. She just told him she was tired. And that was enough. His watery eyes stared at her for a long time and then he slowly lay down next to her, turning his head to face her. He didn't say anything for the longest time and Mom took his hand. Finally, he broke the silence, sounding small and quiet even to his own ears. ''Dad doesn't know how I like my eggs.''

Mom squeezed his hand and brushed away his fallen tears. ''He'll _learn_.''

* * *

Things fell apart four months later on a Monday and Ben found a whole new reason to hate that dreaded day.

* * *

For the past month, things had been strange. At first, Ben chalked it up to jittery Winchester nerves. He knew all about what they did and he would've been surprised if they _didn't_ get jumpy every once and awhile. But then Dad and Ruby began to spend more and more nights away from the Braeden household and the regular nightly fixtures became Sam and Bobby. Ben figured Dad and Ruby must have been fighting or something because honestly, they kinda did that a lot. But then Sam started disappearing too and one day, after having been gone for a week, he limped into the house with a bandage on his cheek, looking like someone had worked him over real good and Dad and Ruby didn't take their eyes off of him all day.

One day, Ben came home from school and Dad and Ruby were both in the living room. Only Dad looked like he hadn't slept in days and Ruby...just did not look well. Ruby's eyes widened like a frightened deer's when the door slammed shut and she shrank back against the couch. Ben almost took a step back when she looked up to display red, bloodshot eyes. He was ushered into the kitchen by Sam and Bobby and the last thing he saw before being pulled away was Dad rushing towards a badly shaking Ruby.

That image alone was not right.

''What's going on?'' He demanded, eyes darting back and forth between Sam and Bobby. ''Is Ruby all right?''

''She's...It's a long story,'' Bobby sighed. ''Basically, something big went down and now she's...''

''...She's what?''

''Human,'' Sam said tonelessly. ''She's human.'' Then a humorless smirk tugged at his lips and he shrugged. ''Overall, she doesn't seem to be coping very well.''

...Did not see that one coming.

* * *

That was Wednesday.

Ben didn't see Dad or Ruby at all Thursday and on Friday, Dad (minus Ruby) artfully dodged all questions about Ruby's newfound humanity, choosing instead to pretend nothing had changed.

On Saturday, Ben saw Ruby and Sam only briefly when they dropped Dad off. Ruby was in the passenger seat of Dad's car looking pale and not at all Ruby like and Sam was leaning against the car with fading bruises on his face. Dad said something to Sam, tossed him the keys and then pried open the passenger side door to talk to Ruby. Ben didn't know what was being said but Dad had his hands on Ruby like he was trying to anchor her and even though she was nodding like she understood, she looked terrified and near tears. Eventually, Sam drove off with a newly humanized (and apparently incredibly freaked out) Ruby, and Dad gave Ben an overly bright smile.

On the same day, Dad had a two hour long conversation with Mom while Ben played cards with Bobby and Mom's new nurse, Eliza (Mom had been adamant that she did not want to die in the hospital, so a nurse was sent to the Braeden house). When Dad emerged from Mom's room, his eyes were red and he looked..._troubled_. To say the least. Later, when Ben was propped up in bed with Mom, Dad came in, took a seat next to the bed and Mom brushed her fingers over Ben's cheek. ''Whatever happens next, Ben,'' Mom rasped. ''Your father and I are going to need you to be_ brave_.''

Dad didn't say a word, but he kept his eyes on the ceiling like he was praying and his lips trembled.

After they thought he had left the room, Ben hovered by the door just long enough to hear Dad say, ''Ben, Ruby and Sam are my life, Lisa. That's why they can never know any of the things I told you.''

''To the grave, Dean,'' Mom replied. ''I can promise you that.''

''I hate when you talk like that.''

''...That's very hypocritical, don't you think?''

Well...that couldn't be a good sign.

* * *

On Sunday, Dad made a weird effort to be a Soccer Dad by taking Ben and Ruby out to breakfast, followed by a highly suspect game of catch in the park while Ruby's scared, wide eyes darted around the open space like she thought a sniper was going to take them out. Odd, but Ben thought it might have been some kind of attempt to show him the future wasn't going to be all bad.

On Sunday, in the middle of the night, Ben had a dream about Dad kissing him on the forehead and whispering in a rough, strangled voice, ''I love you, Ben.''

It was followed by Ben waking up at around four to the muffled sound of a woman screaming and Sam's panicked voice. His first thought was Mom, but when he crept out into the hall, he found the noises were coming from downstairs. He peered downstairs and saw Sam with his phone glued to his ear, body tense and Ben could hear wails coming from the phone from all the way upstairs. Was that...Ruby? No. That couldn't be right.

''Ruby!'' Sam was shouting and something about the desperation in Sam's voice made Ben shiver. ''Ruby, slow down. ...Is he still breathing? Well, I need you to check! Stop fucking _crying! _...Ruby,_ is he breathing_?''

Ben went back to bed and did his best to pretend that was a nightmare because it couldn't be - it _couldn't_ be - real.

(It wasn't a dream, was it? Both of them. The dreams he had that night. They were both real, weren't they?)

* * *

On Monday morning, a crushed, haggard looking Bobby Singer called the school and told them Ben was sick and then he broke the news to both Mom and Ben at the same time. Ben thought the sky was falling. Mom cried, but didn't actually seem truly surprised.

* * *

Early Monday morning, around four, Dad died.

Dad died and nobody would tell him _how._

It was an accident, they all said, a horrible, tragic accident. But their voices sounded funny and Ben wasn't sure if they were trying to convince him or themselves. Dad died in an accident. But Ruby was suddenly human and Sam had a permanent nasty scar on his cheek and Dad told him he loved him in a dream that wasn't a dream and Mom didn't seem surprised. Ben couldn't help but wonder if those things were all connected somehow.

* * *

One month later, a week and a half after his thirteenth birthday, Mom slipped away quietly in her sleep and Ben's future went up in smoke.

* * *

...So that's it.

That's his story. That's how he lost both parents so fast it was like somebody just snapped their fingers and boom, Mom and Dad were dead.

That's how he got _here._

_

* * *

_

Ben Braeden is not a stupid little kid.

He is thirteen and bitter and jaded and he has just lost both of his parents. He is not a problem child either. He is just_ not _in the mood for this bullshit.

Frank Jones, otherwise known as Mom's deadbeat father, cannot waltz in and act like the grieving father who only wants to give his grandson a better life. The bastard didn't even know Mom was sick until she was gone. The only reason he's even here is because Mom's dimwitted (who cares if she was well meaning?) friend, Dawn, called him to tell him about Mom's ''passing.'' And Ben really wishes people would stop calling it that. She _died_, okay?

Ben folds his arms across his chest, sinks farther into his chair and taps his foot anxiously. Currently, he's sitting in the hall of the lawyer's office because he was kicked out of the reading of the will because he was being a _nuisance._ And he'll admit he may have lost his cool, but the only reason is because as soon as those words, ''the only other option is foster care'' came out of Dalton's mouth, he got scared. And FYI, at the time, throwing a glass at the wall seemed like a great idea. It was strangely satisfying to watch it shatter.

He huffs impatiently and purses his lips into a scowl. He thinks he's pretty much screwed. He's an orphan with nowhere to go. This is it, man. Game over. This is beyond bad. He doesn't have anything or anyone. No Mom, no Dad, no Sam (because that idiot decided to do a disappearing act after Dad died and after he showed up drunk to Mom's funeral like a big jerkface), no fairy godmother and no fucking magic beans.

He's three seconds away from losing it completely and kicking something when he hears the sound of heels clicking against the hard floor, followed by two achingly familiar voices. ''Ruby, if you'd just calm down - ''

''Fuck that! Just because you decided to run like a little coward doesn't mean I will. I won't let them take him away from me!''

Ben looks up and his eyes widen at the sight before him.

Ruby is storming down the hall looking like the definition of _hell hath no fury _with Sam trailing after her like a lost little puppy dog and Ben almost wants to pinch himself to see if this is real. Neither of them even so much as look at him as Ruby pushes open both doors to Dalton's unnecessarily large office and stalks through with Sam following after her. Ben is left to wonder if that really just happened.

He's not sure how long he sits there, but by the time the doors open again, a million crazy thoughts are running through his head. Does Ruby really want him? Is she really the best person to be doing this? Raising him? Because it's not like she's the most maternal person in the world. Is he going to be safe with her? Because if she were still a demon, he'd have no doubts about his safety. But she's human now. Speaking of her humanity, is she stable enough to take care of him? Because the last time he saw her, she needed Dad to take care of her. Is this _really_ a good idea?

He briefly thinks about protesting this and then he remembers Mom and Dad. Mom liked Ruby. She said she would be good to him. Mom said she saw things he couldn't see yet. And Dad had assured him many times that Ruby would grow on him. Honestly, the thing is, if Ben had to choose between the people left behind...he'd choose her. He's not sure why. He just would.

The doors open and Ruby, Sam and Dalton step out with Dalton's eyes scanning Mom's will. Ben's wide eyes immediately seek out Ruby and he opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out. ''Congratulations, kid,'' Ruby smirks. ''It looks like you're stuck with us.''

(He'll learn later that_ us _doesn't mean her and Sam.)

**end chapter one**

**

* * *

**

**AN: Okay, A) Don't hate me. **

**B) Yes, I'm aware that in canon Lisa has at least one sibling, but let's all just take a step back and pretend for a moment, shall we? **

**C) YOU ALL MUST HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. Like...How did Dean die? Is he going to come back? Did he know he was going to die? What was he hiding? What's going on between Ruby and Cas? What's up with Ruby being human? Why would anyone in their right mind leave a thirteen year old boy in the care of an ex-demon/emotionally fragile widow? Why is Sam being a jerkface? Why are you DOING THIS TO US? All very good questions. However, the only one I will address is the last one. I'm doing this to you because I can. Because it's fun. That's why. As for the rest...I will only give you this: Somebody knows something. One of them knows exactly what went down and they're not telling.**

**And D) For all of my American friends, Happy Turkey Day! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. Eat lots.**


	2. Chapter Two

_AN: Wow. I did not expect to get this chapter up so quickly._

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

**Breakable Hummingbirds**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

**

* * *

**

Chapter Two:

_''Paper Houses''_

_

* * *

_

It shouldn't be shocking to him that Dad and Ruby actually had a life before him. A life that was separate from demon hunting and everything about their world that was unnatural. They had a marriage and a house and they both somehow managed to hold down steady jobs despite their attitude problems and Ben can't help but be stunned by how _normal_ their life together was. They were just two people who loved each other and who just happened to save the world on the side. They were like superheroes.

Dad and Ruby's house is in Sioux Falls, South Dakota close to Bobby Singer. (Also, apparently around town, she's known as Bobby's daughter because she had no past of her own and she found it endlessly amusing to torture Bobby. Which explains so many confusing altercations between the two.) It's a nice house and Sioux Falls is a nice place, but it's a long ways away from Indiana. At his age, Ben thinks he should be sulking or brooding about the fact that he has to pack up his life and move in with his stepmother. And he has flashes of doubt when he leaves the only place he's ever known. But this is not a lifetime movie and Ben does not brood.

The truth is, Indiana reminds him too much of Mom. Everywhere he goes, everywhere he looks...its _Mom._ That is something he just can't deal with right now. So he welcomes the change with as much enthusiasm as he can muster and a week after that fateful day in the lawyer's office, he's sitting in his new room in his new home, trying to breathe while Sam and Ruby scream at each other in the living room. Something that has become normal because as it turns out, when Sam lost Dean it's very possible he might have lost his sanity too. Either that or he really doesn't trust Ruby with a kid.

He thinks about what it would be like to be here with Dad and a sigh escapes his lips. He'd wake up in the morning and Dad and Ruby would be in the kitchen doing that weird thing where it's almost like PDA, only they're not even touching. Or they'd be touching without even realizing it and lighting the room on fire. Dad...He really loved Ruby a lot, didn't he?

Ben clears his throat and rubs at his eyes, standing and looking around the sparse room. Yeah, he's really going to need to do something with this place. He's been in this room for five minutes and already it's boring him.

He has exactly one picture that contains both of his parents. He has lots of pictures of Mom, courtesy of eleven years with a happy, healthy, vibrant mother who liked to take pictures and he has lots of Dad, courtesy of Sam, Bobby and Ruby. But he's only got one of Mom and Dad. It was taken on his twelfth birthday, right after Dad came back into their lives when he was still just Dean, before Mom lost her hair and before Dad got so tired (because Mom's illness took a toll on everyone. That's just a fact.) In the picture, Mom and Dad are both smiling and leaning towards Ben, who's standing in the middle looking like the happiest kid on earth if only for that one day. In the picture, Mom's beautiful hair tickles Ben's shoulder and her hand is threaded through his while Dad's shoulder presses against Ben's. Their smiles may be weary, but they're real.

It's probably one of the best pictures he's ever seen.

He digs it out of his bag and puts it beside his bed. ''So...'' He drops back onto the bed, puts his head in his hand and looks at Dad's smiling face. ''How long do you think your brother and your wife are going to be yelling at each other?'' He falls back onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. ''By the way,'' he sneaks a glance towards the picture. ''I think the whole you dying thing really screwed Sam up.'' He doesn't get an answer, of course, and instead the muffled sound of a curse wafts through the door.

He arches an eyebrow and then decides that fight or no fight, he can't stay cooped up in this room forever. He opens the door, pokes his head out, does a sweep of the hallway and then sneaks off in the opposite direction of the fighting.

The first door he comes across is a bathroom. There is no logical explanation for this, but he gets a weird vibe from the bathroom. Frowning, he stops in the doorway and when he catches sight of something under the sink, he looks over his shoulder and then takes a hesitant step inside to pluck the object from the floor. It's a...pill. Huh. Odd. He rolls the smooth pill between his fingers before shrugging and carelessly tossing it in the garbage can.

There are not a lot of pictures on the walls, which is only odd because Mom had like a gazillion pictures on the wall. And then he stops and freezes when he sees that there is, in fact, two pictures on the wall. One is of a vaguely familiar family with a pretty blonde, two young boys and a smiling dark haired man. He quickly surmises that it's John and Mary Winchester. But the second picture is the one that stops him in his tracks. It's his school picture. Mom must have given Dad a copy.

There's a moment when his heart races, his fists clench and all he wants to do is yank the picture from the wall and stomp on it. It's not fair. He got so little time with his father. For the first eight years of his life, he had no man in his life. No one to model himself after and then there was Dean Winchester and Dean Winchester was everything Ben wanted to be. To eight year old Ben, Dean was the coolest guy in the entire world. (If he's telling the truth, thirteen year old Ben will say the same thing.) And then when he was eleven, almost twelve, suddenly he had a Dad who took care of him and made sure he was all right and...he was supposed to be there forever. Dad was supposed to be the one who picked up the pieces after Mom was gone. Now who's supposed to put Ben back together again?

He draws in a strangled breath and moves on.

He gets to what must be Dad and Ruby's bedroom and despite knowing that this could potentially be seen as snooping and invading privacy, something draws him inside. He looks around the bedroom, grimacing when he hears another colorful word slip through Ruby's lips down the hall. It's an unremarkable bedroom, but there are small mementos of his father's life scattered all around and it makes his throat hurt.

It's not hard to figure out which side of the bed is Dad's and which side is Ruby's. On Dad's bedside table, there's a picture of Sam and Ruby and a copy of the same picture that now resides besides Ben's bed. (There's also a cell phone and a pair of glasses; the latter makes him snicker.) On Ruby's side, there's an alarm clock, a water glass and a picture of her and Dad. Ben picks up the picture and finds himself holding his breath. In the entire time he's known her, he has never seen her smile like that. Her smile reaches all the way to her eyes and lights her up beautifully. The way Ruby's smiling and the way Dad's laughing makes Ben smile even though there's a crushing weight on his shoulders. He puts the picture back with care and turns.

Then he sees the familiar jacket that's draped across a chair. He sucks in a breath that doesn't quite reach his lungs and he steps forwards, grazing his fingers over the old leather jacket. Gingerly, he picks it up and all he can see is Dad. It smells like dirt and gunpowder and aftershave. Like Dad. He has to swallow.

The sound of the front door slamming shut, so forcefully he swears the house shakes, tears Ben out of his thoughts. He whirls around, jacket still in his hands and comes face to face with his stepmother. ''Oh!'' He yelps in surprise. ''Wow. You're...quiet.''

She smirks at him and cocks her head to the side, studying him silently.

''...Okay.'' He laughs nervously. ''So...not a demon anymore, but still sorta freaky. Good to know.''

She doesn't say anything for a very long time as she studies him and he can't even choke out an excuse as to why he's in her bedroom because she is such an unnerving woman. She softens considerably when she sees the jacket and her fingers run over the smooth leather for a brief second before she pulls her hand back and offers him a smile that is neither a smirk nor unnerving. ''Would you like that?''

Ben's eyes widen and he clears his throat quietly. ''Wh-What?''

''The jacket,'' she clarifies, easily going back to being that tough as nails former demon who rarely shows any kind of emotion around anyone but her husband. ''Do you want it? Technically, it should be yours. It's a generation to generation thing and you're next in line.''

''I...'' Ben clutches the jacket tighter. ''I couldn't...''

She shrugs and sits down on the bed, crossing one leg over the other. ''Okay, well, whatever. He was going to give it to you anyway.''

He blinks and grapples for something to say. ''He...He was?''

She nods. ''As kind of a rite of passage thing. On your birthday. He was,'' she chuckles lightly and shakes her head. ''He was_ ridiculously _excited about it.''

Ben is silent for a moment, numb fingers holding the jacket as he stares at the faded leather like it has the answers to all of his desperate questions. ''It...It still smells like him,'' he mumbles, not even caring if he sounds stupid.

She doesn't seem to think he's stupid, nodding seriously instead. ''So does his pillow. I haven't touched his side of the bed since he...'' She trails off and turns her head to look at his side of the bed briefly. ''For the first few days after, I couldn't even sleep in here.''

Ben looks up at her sharply, torn between feeling touched or confused that she has chosen to open up to _him. _Of all people.

She clears her throat, hides her face behind her hair momentarily and when she pushes her hair out of her face, she's emotionless and blank once again. ''Ben, sit down for a minute. I want to talk to you.''

He hesitates and then does as he's told, taking a seat next to her and folding the jacket neatly in his lap.

''First of all, I want to make sure you're okay with this. Living here, I mean. It's a big change.''

He shrugs his shoulders mutely.

''Don't shrug your shoulders at me, kid,'' she warns. ''If I could see through your father's bullshit, I can see through yours.''

''I'm okay with being here,'' he says honestly. ''It's...better than any alternative. Besides, it's what Mom and Dad wanted.''

''Second of all,'' she continues. ''I want to warn you that I can't do much to comfort you. I'm sorry about that. But I don't know how. It still..._floors _me that I'm not as strong as I used to be. There are literally jars I can't open now. How clichéd, damsel in distress is that?'' When she clicks her tongue in disgust, he bites back a smile. ''I can't do comfort, Ben. But I can give you a roof over your head and food. And third of all,'' she pauses and meets his eyes, fierce blue eyes burning into his. ''I have no interest in being your mother. You already have a mother. The most we'll ever be is friends. And even then, I've been told I'm not a very good friend. Are you okay with that?''

Ben pauses before he answers and his gaze travels to the picture of Dad and Ruby on the nightstand. Dad loved Ruby. Dad trusted Ruby. More importantly, Mom trusted Ruby. And that's got to count for something. So okay, Mom and Dad. He'll give this a try. Finally, he nods and tries to force a smile for her benefit. ''I'm okay with that.''

''Well, that's great. But don't ever fake smile me again. I find it downright offensive. I hate fake smiles. I see through bullshit, Ben. You should remember that.''

* * *

Her relationship with Dean is - _was _- nothing short of an accident.

Somehow, hatred had turned into camaraderie, which eventually became friendship. He made her laugh and smile like nobody else could. He made her feel a lot of things that no one else could. And somewhere along the way, she fell in love with him. It just sort of..._happened_. She was never supposed to fall in love with Dean Winchester. She was never supposed to fall in love period. But Dean crawled under her skin and crept into all of the dark parts of her mind and lit her up. She really hated that.

She was the one who made the first move in their relationship. She had spent weeks fighting off everything she felt for him. She had spent weeks pretending she wasn't jealous of the bar floozy's he continuously flaunted in her face. (Sam had, numerous times, likened them to Booth and Brennan. She _still _isn't exactly sure who those people are, but she is fairly certain it was an insult.) It eventually culminated in a giant, massive screaming match in a motel parking lot about his taste in women.

''What do you want from me, Ruby?'' He had screamed at her, something akin to desperation clouding his eyes. ''I need you to tell me what you want from me. From...whatever _this_ is because I sure as hell don't know!''

Looking back on it, she isn't sure what compelled her to do what she did next, but something told her it was a good idea. She stared at him for a long time, chest heaving up and down and then she took the final step forwards, leaned up and kissed him. It was something soft and hesitant and gentle, but it was a kiss all the same. She pulled away from him while his eyes were still closed and when he opened his eyes, he stared down at her in awe. She looked up at him through her hair and seconds before she was going to walk away and give it all up because he wasn't saying anything he caught her off guard by stepping forwards and crashing his lips onto hers.

He died a few months later, torn apart by hellhounds and she thought she was going to die. He came back and six months later, after he nearly died (again), he woke up in the hospital and the first thing he said to her was, ''I think we should get married.''

She, of course, reacted by flipping out and hitting him. ''Are you crazy?'' She had shrieked, hands on her hips.

He threw her a lazy smirk. ''Is that a no?''

She bit her lip. ''No.''

''Then is that a yes?''

''...Talk to me when you're not hopped up on painkillers.''

Which is exactly what he did as soon as he was released from the hospital. ''Ruby,'' he had said with a frustrated sigh when she childishly pretended not to listen to anything he had to say about the subject of marriage. ''There aren't many things I'm sure of anymore. All I'm sure of is that life is short and...and I love you. Also, if you don't say yes, the next time we're in a crowded place I will pull a romantic comedy move and get up on a table to publicly declare my love for you. So what's it gonna be, Blondie? Public embarrassment or marriage?''

''Are you trying to _blackmail _me into marrying you?''

''Ruby, for God's sake. I love you and I want to marry you. Suck on _that_.''

''Why don't we save that for the honeymoon?''

''Is that a really dirty way of saying yes? Are you saying yes?''

''...Yes.''

Marriage had been a surprisingly easy thing to get used to. The transition was seamless. Dean made her happier than anyone else in the world and even though she never admitted it, she loved being married to him.

Her life had been_ so _good.

There was a house and Dean and normal.

She was _happy._

_

* * *

_

She can't pinpoint the exact moment she started wanting something more, but it happened.

In hindsight, she knows it wasn't sudden. It wasn't as if she suddenly saw a happy family one day and said, ''I want that.'' It was gradual. She'd see a family and she'd smile. She'd see a baby and a small sigh would leave her lips. He never said anything, but she knew Dean wanted it too. He wanted a family. He always had. She hated that she couldn't give him that.

Dean caught on pretty quickly and wasted no time in sitting her down and bluntly asking her if she wanted a baby.

She thought about that long and hard - or at least she pretended to - and then said ''No.''

He had sighed and caught her arm before she tried to leave. ''I know when you're lying, Ruby.''

''Dean, can we talk about this later please?''

''Nope. Ruby, I see the way you look at babies. I know you want one. If this is about money or hunting - ''

''I can't have kids, Dean,'' she had blurted out before she could stop herself.

He had paled, swallowing hard and running a hand down her arm. ''What do you mean? Are you - ''

''No, I mean...I _won't_. Not like this.''

''Like this? What are you - ''

''I'm a demon, Dean. Any child we'll have will have my genes. My _demonic _genes. And I don't...I don't want that.''

''Ruby - ''

''_No_, Dean.''

''We don't even know if - ''

''You don't get it. I can't doom a child to the life I'm forced to live. I won't. I do _not_ want my kid to hate what it is like I hate what I am.''

''What you _are_ is - ''

''Don't. Don't try to tell me what I am. I know what I am.''

''Then...Then we can adopt,'' he tried and she can still remember the way his fingers brushed hair from her eyes in an attempt to get her to look at him. ''Sweetheart, there are plenty of babies out there who need homes. You...You _want_ this, Ruby. I can see it in your eyes. You want a family. _I_ want a family. Just...tell me you'll at least think about it.''

She had sighed, bit her lip and nodded, mostly just to placate him. ''I'll think about it,'' she promised.

The subject of babies and adoption and not getting pregnant was never brought up again.

Because then there was Ben.

* * *

Look, she knows people think she's a heartless bitch, okay?

She _knows_ that. She'd have to be a fool not to know that. She has her walls and her mask and she created a switch a long time ago that she could flip to keep all of the messy human things out. People think she's a heartless bitch who doesn't feel. And she is perfectly fine with that.

Because she's a pregnant widow who woke up in the middle of the night and found her husband dead on the bathroom floor and who is now going to be a single mother to not one but two kids in seven and a half months. She'd much rather have people think she's a heartless bitch than let them pity her.

* * *

The truth is, she cared about Lisa, she cares about Ben and she loved Dean with every piece of her. Including all the broken parts that only he saw. She'd love to be able to comfort Ben and help him through this, but she hasn't been a human in a very long time and the bitter truth is, she can't remember how to be human. All she remembers is how to love Dean.

There used to be a switch that she could flip to turn it all off. Now, granted it always hugely malfunctioned around Dean (hence the falling in love and getting married thing) but it was there. Like a safety net. Now she's suddenly (and mysteriously) human, she's pregnant, her husband is dead, she has a thirteen year old boy in her care who has lost everything and she has a terrible feeling that everything is connected.

The thing that terrifies her is that all of these feelings (anger, bitterness, grief, pure terror, frustration, etc) that weigh her down and keep her up at night...she can't remember how to turn them off.

* * *

Almost every aspect of her relationship and subsequent marriage was an accident. From accidentally falling in love to accidentally allowing herself to say yes to his proposal all the way to accidentally getting knocked up. It was all accidental.

Dean's death, she's sure, was not an accident.

* * *

She wakes up feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired.

The bed is too empty and too big and she can still feel him even though he's not there, which is like some form of cruel torture. The sun shines through the curtains and in the distance she can hear birds chirping and a dog barking. It's too normal. She thinks the world should be acknowledging the fact that her entire life has fallen apart. Yes, it's a selfish wish. She doesn't much care.

When she rolls over and forces heavy eyes open, she's greeted by the sight of his empty side of the bed. Stubbornly, she rolls over to avoid looking at it. Her master plan comes to a screeching halt when she's met with the picture of the two of them smiling and laughing. She scowls and her hand shoots out to knock the photograph off the table. It takes her water glass with it and the sound of shattering glass makes her want to close her eyes and go back to sleep.

She turns onto her back and stares at the ceiling. Her hands travel down to her stomach to the bump that isn't there yet and she pinches her lips together tightly. It's only when tears start to prick at her eyes that she searches for her mask and blinks the tears away. Slowly, she sits up and retrieves the broken picture frame from the mess on the floor. The crack in the glass goes right down the middle, separating her from her husband in some sort of twisted irony that she does not find amusing at all. Her fingers trace his smile momentarily before she sneers and shakes the hurt away. ''You're a selfish bastard. I hope you know that.'' She tosses the picture back onto the bed and carefully steps over the broken bits of glass on the floor.

She's sweeping up the sharp pieces when she hears it. Unlike before, it's a barely noticeable shift in the atmosphere that she only notices because of the leftover demonic instincts and reactions. When she was a demon, she used to be able to sense him before he even showed up. It was a demon thing. The demon inside of her used to view him as a threat to her existence because of what she was and what he still is. Things change.

''What are you doing here?'' She means to sound bitter; she just sounds tired.

''I wanted to check on you,'' he responds softly.

She closes her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh.

''And Benjamin,'' he adds on quickly.

She abandons her mission to sweep up the glass and turns around to face him. ''Why?''

He seems almost insulted by her question, lips drawn into a tight line. A breeze blows through her hair and then he's in front of her, far enough away that he's not invading her personal bubble, but close enough to touch her if he feels like it. She hopes he doesn't. ''You _know_ why,'' he says matter-of-factly.

She clenches her teeth. Yes, she does. She's not stupid. She has known about Castiel's feelings for her from the beginning. Subtle has never exactly been his thing. One time he actually outright admitted that he was ''finding himself attracted to her''. It's like the plot of a goddamned movie, isn't it? Longing for your best friend's wife. She steps around him carefully and twirls her wedding ring, much like Dean used to do.

He doesn't say anything for a moment and she begins to wonder if he's even still there. ''How are you feeling?'' He asks eventually. His voice is lower than usual, gravelly and quiet.

She frowns deeply and whirls around. ''How am I _feeling_?'' She repeats incredulously. She knows he lacks tact most of the time, but even he has to know that's a fucking stupid question to ask someone who has just lost their husband and inherited said husband's son.

''With the pregnancy,'' he clarifies, gesturing towards her stomach. ''Are you feeling all right? I've heard the first trimester can be quite taxing on a woman.''

''Your concern is touching,'' she mutters dryly. ''But I'm fine.''

He tilts his head to the side. ''That is...impossible.''

''Yes,'' she nods. ''It is. But I need to pretend right now.''

He pauses briefly before taking a step towards her. ''If there's anything I can do for you...''

She locks eyes with him and he seems to realize his mistake pretty quickly because he takes a step backwards. ''You know what? There is something you can do for me,'' she snaps. ''You can tell me why.''

He blanches and looks away from her. ''Ruby - ''

''I know you know why,'' she continues. ''I know he told you why he did it.'' When he doesn't answer, she feels her desperation growing and she steps forwards and grips his trench coat tightly. ''Cas,'' she says firmly. ''If you cared about Dean at all, you'll tell me what he told you. Please.'' She grabs his face in her hands when he tries to avoid her eyes. ''If you care about me like you say you do, you'll tell me.''

That was decidedly the wrong thing to say. He grasps both of her wrists tightly and meets her eyes, looking almost wounded. ''It's cruel of you to use my feelings for you as a bargaining chip.''

He's right. She knows he's right. It's unfair to use him like this. Just because his feelings are things she can neither understand nor reciprocate doesn't make them any less real. Using them like this is just plain mean spirited. But she's growing more and more desperate with every day she's left in the dark and he _knows_ something. She can feel it. She can see it in his eyes. He knows something nobody else knows and he's not telling. She hates that. She hates grieving, she hates all these feelings she can't turn off and she hates that Dean left her all alone. But she hates not knowing even more. ''Please,'' she pleads with him weakly. ''I need to know. I have a _right_ to know.''

''Ruby...I can't.'' He sounds genuinely sorry to be saying it. That doesn't do much to placate her. ''I promised him.''

''Yeah?'' She smirks bitterly and tugs her wrists out of his grasp, stepping away from him. ''Well, do you know what _he_ promised _me_? Forever.''

''I'm sorry,'' he says softly.

She shakes her head and turns away from him, realizing with some horror that she's crying. They stand there in tense silence for a moment that goes on forever and then she wipes her tears away and gathers all of the strength she can. ''You need to leave,'' she orders. ''Now.''

He doesn't say a word, but he's gone when she turns around and she's left alone with broken glass and no answers.

* * *

When she finally staggers into the kitchen later, after drowning her tears in a hot shower, she believes she is perfectly composed. Sure, she feels like shit thanks to morning sickness mixed with that ever present grief, but she thinks she at least _looks_ fine.

Ben, sitting at the counter absently chewing on a piece of toast, takes one look at her and frowns in concern. (Just like his father would.) ''Ruby, are you okay?''

''I'm fine,'' she answers automatically.

He appears skeptical, clapping his hands to rid himself of toast crumbs as he studies her closely. She turns her back to him and pretends she can't feel his eyes on her. After a moment, as she's pulling a carton of eggs out of the fridge, he speaks. ''You're pregnant, aren't you?''

She freezes, licks her lips and turns to face him. She makes a half hearted attempt to figure out how he knew that (he'll tell her later it was pretty obvious the night before when she went for a bottle of wine only to change her course and go for water instead because he had never seen her turn down alcohol before) and then sighs and nods. ''Yes.''

He gives her a look that is something between shock and pity and she forces a smile. It's a fairly hypocritical thing to do considering she told him she hated fake smiles, but she does it anyway and hopes it's convincing. ''Hey,'' she tries her best to pretend everything is fine and dandy and she has not just dropped the baby bomb. ''How about I make eggs? I'm not much of a cook, but I make a mean omelette.'' (A lie. Dean did the cooking.)

Ben looks at her for a second like she has offered him something stunning. His mouth works silently for about five seconds and then he clears his throat and says, ''You don't know how I like my eggs.''

He says it like it means something and even though she doesn't understand the significance of the statement she crosses her arms and says, ''I can learn.''

Ben stares at her for a strange amount of time and then offers her a small, hesitant smile.

She thinks it might be progress.

**end chapter two**

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**AN: And so begins the weirdest version of Gilmore Girls/Stepmom/The Odd Couple that I have ever seen. Up next will be Ben's first day at his new school so get ready for some teenage shenanigans.**

**Now I have to warn you that I am having the hardest time with the timeline. Mostly trying to figure out how long Dean and Ruby were married. In the first chapter, when Lisa asked Dean how long he had been married, he said ''not long.'' But then after telling the story how they got together and how they got married, they would have had to have been married for like...three or four years. Not to mention I'm still trying to decide on how much time passed between Ruby getting all humanized and stuff and Dean dying because that would have been when conception took place. I'm...thinking he must have gotten the job done pretty darn quick. The point is, if there are some mistakes in the timeline forgive me. There are some parts of this story I'm still trying to feel out.**


	3. Chapter Three

_AN: And I am back with a new chapter of Breakable Hummingbirds! Now, just to warn you there is a large smattering of OC's in this chapter. Most of them, however, will not make an appearance again._

_Also, I am so sorry for taking so long on the next chapter of Queen of Hearts. It's more challenging than I thought it would be and either I have been fighting off a persistent and nasty head cold or my winter allergies are flaring up again._

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

**Breakable Hummingbirds**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

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Chapter Three:

_''Damaged Goods''_

_

* * *

_

Like any other kid his age, school is not high on the list of things he enjoys. That's normal. Every kid feels that way. But it's different for Ben. His whole life, school has been merely a distraction. A prison. A place he desperately wanted to escape. School has always been a place where he's felt trapped. He simply didn't want to be there. That feeling is kicked up by about a hundred notches now that he's going to be starting a new school in a new town where he knows nobody except the town ''old drunk'' and his ''daughter.''

However, Mom would kill him if he didn't go and Ruby has made it perfectly clear that he will not be allowed to stay in her house if he doesn't get an education. So on Monday morning he drags himself out of bed and prepares himself for a day of pure hell. Ruby on the other hand...

For someone who is so hell bent on him getting an education, she sure doesn't seem to be concerned about the time. At 8:14, he's leaning against the kitchen counter, staring at his watch and tapping his foot impatiently. ''Ruby! It is 8:15! School starts at 9:00 and we're supposed to get there early. Will you hurry up?''

''Relax, kid!'' Her voice drifts into the room from the direction of the hall. ''Don't get so anal about the time. We've got loads of time.''

''No, we don't.''

''Yes, we do. We're practically swimming in it.''

''This is a stupid argument, you know.''

''Well, you're the one who started it.''

He rolls his eyes and looks down at his watch again. ''Great. Now it's 8:17.''

''You're incredibly tense for a thirteen year old.''

A thirteen year old whose life Death has picked apart, he wants to remind her. He sighs impatiently and folds his arms. When she finally enters the kitchen, his eyes widen. He blinks, looks her up and down and can't quite manage to find the words to say. Finally, he clears his throat and raises an eyebrow. ''...We're not going to a nightclub, you know.''

''Hm? Oh.'' She grins and smoothes down the tight black dress she's wearing. ''Yeah, well, I figured since I won't be able to fit into it much longer I should get good use out of it.''

''...And?''

Her grin widens and her eyes twinkle. ''And your new principal is a man.''

''So?''

''So...first impressions are everything, Ben.''

''Right, and you...want to come off as a high class hooker?''

She pauses and cocks her head to the side innocently. ''Do you think that would help?''

Ben exhales and reaches down to pick up his backpack from the floor. Leaning back against the counter, he watches as she goes for the pot of coffee. A smirk dances on his lips as he fixes his backpack on his back. He waits until she takes a sip before speaking. ''Did you know that when you're pregnant you should limit your caffeine intake because too much caffeine means there is a higher risk for miscarriage, stillbirth and if the baby's a boy, he could be born with his _testicles undescended_. I looked it up.''

She chokes and sputters, spitting the coffee back into her mug.

He shrugs carelessly and looks at his watch. ''That's why I made you decaf.''

She glares at him, putting the mug back down on the counter. ''You're a mean child.''

''But you still shouldn't drink a lot.'' He shakes his head at his watch. ''Its 8:24 now. Super.''

''Geez, dude. Would you just chill?''

He tries to calm down and take a deep breath. It doesn't help. ''Sorry,'' he mumbles, taking a seat at the counter.

She frowns and eyes him for just a moment too long before smirking and leaning her elbows on the counter top. ''You're nervous, aren't you?''

Is it that obvious? He fidgets in his seat and winces uncomfortably. Well, she certainly was right when she said she can see through bullshit. She sees through his like Mom and Dad used to. ''I'm not nervous.''

''Ben.'' Ruby laughs, which makes him frown because he doesn't think it's very appropriate to be laughing when he is so clearly in emotional distress. ''Don't be nervous. You have Winchester blood in you. Do you know what that means? It means you're a natural charmer.'' She pats his hand, which is the most amount of comfort she's ever shown and then she's moving past him to grab her jacket. ''Now, despite the fact that we will get there insanely early if we leave now, if you feel you'll have a coronary should we leave in...say...five minutes, we can go now.''

Ben leaps to his feet. ''I'll be waiting in the car.''

Let's just get this stupid day over with...

* * *

Ruby's cell phone rings as soon as they pull up to the school and her eyes darken when she checks the caller ID. He catches the briefest bit of the conversation before she climbs out of the car and it's enough for him to deduce that the person on the other end of the phone line is his currently extremely troubled uncle. Dude, Sam seriously needs to get it together. He wrenches open the door of Dad's car and stares up at the school in front of him with trepidation. With a sigh, he leans back against the car and crosses his arms. Memorial Middle School is a big, slightly intimidating looking place and he really doesn't want to step one foot inside. You know...

...In theory, he could run right now. Ruby's not paying attention to him and it's so early that there aren't many people milling around. He could do it. He could run away and, like, live in the forest or something. Except he's pretty sure Mom and Dad wouldn't like that. Ruby probably wouldn't be fond of his life plan either. She'd drag him back here by his ear. He groans loudly and kicks a rock. He has hated school for as long as he's been going to school. But there's something different about this place. It's a whole new level of contempt that, frankly, scares him a little. He hasn't even stepped foot in the place and he already loathes it with every fiber of his being.

''You know, Ben...'' Ruby comes to stand beside him, back against the car, cell phone still held tightly in her hands. ''I don't think this is going to be as horrible as you're making it out to be.''

''No, I'm pretty sure it's going to suck ass.''

''Yeah, well, life sucks. Get used to it.'' She pushes off the car with a tight smile, barking out a sharp, ''move your ass'' over her shoulder. Her suddenly sharp tone and darkened eyes tell him the phone call did not go all that well. That's a real shock. Again, Sam needs to get his shit together.

Despite the fact that he's wearing sneakers and she's wearing heels that are higher than any of Mom's, he still has to practically jog to keep up with her. Even after they step into the school. Which has slippery floors. ''I take it Sam's still in a mood?'' He guesses.

''Sam's drunk,'' she replies tensely. ''Like that's anything new.''

''Is he...Is he going to be okay?''

She halts in her tracks, causing Ben to slam into her. ''Sam is _broken_, Ben. Nobody can fix him if he won't_ let _them.''

''To be fair,'' he tosses her a slightly bitter smirk. ''Aren't we all broken?''

* * *

As it turns out, the principal, a wiry, bald man named Mr. Keystone (who reminds Ben a little of Principal Snyder from Buffy) is really short. His height deficiency coupled with Ruby's skyscraper heels mean Keystone comes up to right above her chest. Giving him a real nice view. Plus, he's a little...weasel-y. So the dress actually does work in their favor. After Keystone fails to keep his eyes off of Ruby's cleavage for more than thirty seconds at a time, Ben finally has to lean over and tell her to put her jacket on.

And yes. This place _is_ as bad as he's making it out to be.

It's an uncomfortable meet and greet. To say the least. Keystone is trying way too hard to either impress Ruby or make it seem like his school is awesome when it's probably not. No school is awesome. That's just an oxymoron. _School_ and _awesome_ shouldn't even be in the same sentence. They shouldn't even be in the same hemisphere. The assurances that Ben will ''fit right in here'' was uncomfortable. The hurried condolences upon learning that his father is dead and the awkward apology after mistaking Ruby for Ben's actual mother was bad. But just when Ben thinks it can't get any worse, it does.

Because they're early, Principal Keystone decides that the next best course of action would be to take both Ben and Ruby (whose attempts at escaping are thwarted by the clearly enamored dorky principal) on a tour of the school.

The only thing this tour does is make Ben want to get out of this stupid place as fast as possible. Mostly because this happens:

''Will you put your phone away?'' Ben hisses. ''Who could you possibly be texting right now? Its 8:30 in the morning.''

''Oh, I'm not texting,'' Ruby replies. ''I'm tweeting. By the way, you should totally follow me.''

''...Okay, you're joking, right?''

''Yes, Ben, I'm joking. Do I look seventeen to you?''

''Then what are you doing?''

''Playing Maze.''

''Yeah, right. You're mature.''

''And this,'' Principal Keystone says proudly, opening a creaking classroom door and stepping inside. ''Is your math class, Ben.''

Ben and Ruby jolt their attention back to Keystone, step inside the room and the math teacher looks up. Ben can already tell he's going to be trouble. Because he's handsome. And he spots Ruby like a douchebag spots a hot chick in a club. Not. Good.

Mr. Math Teacher puts his pen down and rises to his feet, eyes fixated on Ruby. ''This is Mr. Littleton,'' Keystone says with a smile. ''He'll be your math teacher.''

Littleton? _That's _the guy's name? Ben stifles a laugh and looks up at Ruby, waiting for her to say something. ''You,'' Mathboy holds a hand out towards Ruby. ''Can call me Casey.''

Effortlessly, Ben jumps in and takes one for the team, grasping the man's hand. ''Well, thanks, Case. I'm Ben. I'm the one who is, you know, an actual student.''

''Oh,'' _Casey_ smiles a tight little smile, dropping his hand. ''It's nice to meet you, Ben. I'm sure you're going to love it here.''

''All signs point to highly unlikely.''

''What?''

''Nothing.''

''So...'' The man's eyes are once again drawn towards Ruby. Wow. This dude just does not give up, does he? ''You must be Ben's...'' He pauses and shoots her what is probably meant to be a charming smile. It just winds up looking creepy. ''...Older sister.''

Ruby opens her mouth to speak, but Ben cuts in once again, giving his new math teacher a bright, overly cheerful smile. ''Nope. She's my stepmother. As in my father's_ wife_. As in...they're married.''

There's a beat of silence and then Ruby gives Casey an effortless smirk, placing her hands firmly on Ben's shoulders. ''Most people just call me Ruby.''

''Or Mrs. Winchester,'' Ben mumbles under his breath.

''You teach math?''

Casey nods proudly, clearly thinking she's interested. Which is not an entirely unfounded thing to be thinking considering she's giving him a dazzling smile. ''Yep. Sure do.''

''Yeah,'' the smile drops off Ruby's lips. ''I don't really like math. I find it dull.''

Poor Casey's face falls. ''Right.'' He clears his throat and steps away from her, his smile becoming just a tad more forced as he shifts his attention back to Ben. ''So, Ben. You're new here.''

''Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.''

''Ben.'' There's a certain warning tone to Ruby's voice that makes Ben roll his eyes and sigh in defeat. Even though he doesn't realize why she wants him to be polite to this guy. It's clear she doesn't like him either.

''Yes, I'm new here.'' He bites back another comment that could be perceived as rude and sighs again when Ruby gives him a look as she's being pulled away by Principal Keystone.

''Where are you from?'' _Mr. Littleton _is asking, writing something on the white board.

Ben pinches his lips together and leans against a desk. ''Alaska. I used to hang out with Sarah Palin all the time. And yes, she is just as annoying as she seems.''

''...Really?''

''No. I'm from Indiana.''

''Oh, Indiana. That's nice. I have a cousin who lives in Indiana.''

''Imagine that. The world is small.''

''Why'd you move? Needed a change of scenery? It's nice to change things up every once and awhile.''

Ben's eyes darken and he pushes off the desk to scowl at his new teacher who might be good at math and looking slightly handsome, but is not good at life. ''Oh, yeah. Change of scenery. That and my mom died. A month after my dad died. So Ruby's basically all I've got left. By the way, pretending to be interested in me and my life isn't going to score you any points with Ruby. She wasn't lying when she said she didn't like math. It's a thing. Also, she's pregnant and she's been a widow for like a month and a half. And hitting on a widow? Stupid.''

The man looks quite startled by Ben's words but before he can say anything, Ruby has stepped in to steal Ben away with a polite, thin smile thrown in the math teacher's direction. As soon as they're in the hallway, Ben looks around the now noisy halls where students are milling around and scowls at Ruby. ''You said it wouldn't be that bad.''

''Yeah, well, apparently the male teachers here are leeches. But listen, I have to go now.''

''Great. Now I have abandonment issues on top of all of my other issues.''

''Hey, here's an idea for you. Maybe you should try out for the drama club.''

''Ha ha.''

''Look,'' Ruby steps forwards to fix the collar of his jacket for him and Ben anxiously looks around in an attempt to figure out if anyone is watching this embarrassing display. ''Ben, high school is just like the real world, okay? It's all about survival.''

''This isn't high school.''

''Close enough. Same rules apply. What you need to do is keep your chin up, grin and bear it and for God's sake, make sure Littleman knows I'm not interested.''

''Uh, I think its Little_ton_.''

''Okay, why are you defending him?''

''I'm not. He's annoying. They're all annoying. Don't leave me.'' He clamps onto her arm desperately. In a previous life, he would have instantly stepped back in fear of bodily harm. In this new life, however, she seems only a little deadly. Still frightening, though.

''Survival,'' she says with a firm nod. ''Remember that and you'll be fine.''

''But - ''

''I'm sorry, Ben,'' she apologizes, sounding sincere. ''But I really have to go now. I have an appointment. ...At noon.''

''Ugh, fine. But I resent you for this.''

''Don't worry. That'll pass. Winchester boys love me.'' She smiles, pats his cheek, winks and then she's turning on her precarious heel and strutting down the hall, leaving Ben to navigate this stupid school all by himself. ''Oh!'' Halfway down the hall, she turns and sends him a smile. ''By the way, the guidance counselor is going to want to talk with you later today! Okay, bye!''

''Wait, what?'' Ben's eyes widen in panic and he takes a step towards her retreating figure, halted only when the bell rings. ''Ruby!'' A girl passing by stops to look at him oddly. Ben gives her his best glower. ''What?''

* * *

So far...the day has gone pretty much exactly like he had been expecting. Lots of sucking. Basically, it's a big giant suck fest with a heaping side of suck. By eleven, he's lost count of how many times people have looked at him and then quietly dissolved into whispers of gossip behind his back. Including a few teachers. Of course, when his homeroom teacher made him start the day by standing up and introducing himself to his new peers, it certainly didn't help anything. By lunchtime, he's the talk of the school. That's not his ego talking either. He really is the talk of the school. It's aggravating and he has never wanted to punch someone in the face more than he does right now.

He drags his feet down the hall, purposefully ignoring the stares and whispers and tries to remember his goal. Why is he here? Why is he not pulling the fire alarm and sneaking off in the commotion? Mom. And Dad. And Ruby. And his little brother or sister who deserves a better role model then some failure. And really, who drops out of middle school?

On his way to the cafeteria, his day changes when a girl falls into step with him. She's pretty and smiling with dirty blond hair and a mini skirt that makes him really thankful that he's over the cootie stage. She smiles at him with glossy lips, flicks her hair over her shoulder and he stops walking. ''Hi,'' she greets cheerfully. ''You're new, right?''

''How'd you guess?''

She purses her lips in thought. ''It's...Ben, right?''

He raises an eyebrow. ''And you would be...?''

''Oh, I'm Adrianna.''

''Well,'' he smirks. ''Can I help you with something, Adrianna?''

''I just...wanted to welcome you to the school,'' she says kindly. ''I was the new kid a couple years ago and I know how uncomfortable it can be. People can be...judgy.''

''But you're not?'' Ben questions doubtfully. There is no way in hell a pretty girl like Adrianna would go out of her way to make the new kid feel welcome. Things like that don't just happen.

She shrugs and looks around the hall. ''I don't think it feels very nice to be judged. I learned that the hard way.'' He doesn't say anything, still staring at her with narrowed eyes. ''I wouldn't want anyone else to feel that way so I thought it'd be nice if I showed you that we're not all like that here.'' She flashes him another smile and Ben can feel his suspicion slipping away purely because she has a really nice smile.

He relaxes ever so lightly and offers her a small nod. ''Then...thanks.''

''Sure,'' she chirps happily. ''I'd...'' She waves to someone down the hall and her smile dims a little. ''Better go. I'll see you around, Ben.''

He nods and watches her walk away. She sashays down the hall like she owns it. He can't help but arch an eyebrow in response. Huh. Maybe there are some good parts to this place. Interesting. When he moves to walk away, someone pops up in front of him. ''Whoa.''

''Dude,'' the strange kid says. ''Can I give you some advice?''

Ben stares at him in wonder. ''Where did you come from?''

''Oh.'' The boy laughs and holds out a hand. ''I'm Levi Rowland.''

Ben blinks.

Levi retracts his hand quickly. ''Okay, so not a hand shaker. That's cool.'' Levi Rowland is wearing a shirt with a comic book character on it and judging by the way his eyes dart around nervously, Ben's guessing he's a frequent target for bullying. In short: If Seth Cohen and Xander Harris had a baby together, Levi Rowland could be that baby. ''Whatever you do,'' Levi warns seriously. ''Do not engage in conversation with Adrianna Carlson. Don't even look at her. It's safer.''

Ben sighs and pushes past Levi to get to the cafeteria. ''She doesn't seem very dangerous.''

''Oh, she's not dangerous. She's a kitten. She...has a tendency to let the color of her hair affect her IQ, but she's not dangerous. It's the people she hangs out with that you should be scared of.''

''Um...The Heathers?''

''Fletcher Michaels. Believe me when I say that pissing him off is about as smart as taking a ride with Clemenza.''

Ben chuckles, pushing through the cafeteria doors. ''Heh. Godfather reference. I like you.''

''That's...'' Levi pauses. ''New for me.''

''Listen, no offense or anything,'' Ben pulls out a chair and sits down at an empty table. ''But why are you telling me this? I've never met you before in my life and now you're giving me - ''

''I sat next to you in homeroom,'' Levi points out in a deadpan. ''You borrowed a pencil from me.''

Ben grimaces. ''Oh. ...Sorry.''

Levi shrugs. ''That's okay. I'm used to being invisible. I mean, it could be worse. I could be Lucky.''

''Who's Lucky?''

Levi points out a mousy brown haired girl with glasses and an enormous backpack that must weight a ton. She's standing in the cafeteria line and when she turns, her backpack slams into the boy behind her. When she whirls around to check on him, her tray is somehow knocked out of her hands and crashes to the floor. ''The name's supposed to be ironic,'' Levi informs him.

''Yeah, I got that.''

''Lucky's an improvement, trust me. Her real name's Daisy and she hates it.''

''Daisy? As in Buchanan?''

Levi lets out a low whistle and grins, eyes twinkling. ''You're smart.''

''My mom...'' Ben clears his throat and crosses his arms uncomfortably. ''Her favourite book was The Great Gatsby.''

If Levi notices the past tense, he keeps quiet, instead choosing to glance over at the table Adrianna's sitting at. ''I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say Adrianna pulled the whole 'I was a new kid just like you' bit.''

Ben slumps farther into his chair and keeps his face carefully blank. ''Maybe.''

''Yeah,'' Levi snorts. ''The girl was the new kid for two years. By the way, thank you for taking that title from me. My point is, Adrianna talks about how she knows what you're going through and that not everybody here judges, but she's lying. We all judge. Even the teachers. And she can try to kill it with kindness but in the end, she's one of them. She turns a blind eye to certain things and that really sucks because - Fletcher!'' Levi sits up straight with wide, slightly fearful eyes and Ben swears he can hear him gulp audibly as a tall blond kid strides up to the table with honest to God lackeys trailing behind him. Ben thinks he has officially entered The Twilight Zone. Worse. He has entered a place where Mean Girls is where people get their codes of conduct. ''H-Hey there!'' Levi laughs nervously, shifting in his seat. ''Have you been working out? 'Cause you look great. Really, have you lost weight? I-I mean, not that you needed to! I'm not calling you fat or anything, I just - please don't hit me, okay? And if you do, can you avoid the nose because - ''

''Shut it.''

''Okay.'' Levi shrinks back into his seat like a child that has just been scolded.

Ben frowns.

Fletcher glares down at Ben like he's nothing. Something Ben does not at all appreciate. He already hates this place. He doesn't need the stereotypical jock villain pushing him around. How cliché is that? Fletcher puts both hands on the table and leans down to study Ben. ''You're new.''

''What gave me away?''

''Do you know what happens to new kids around here?''

''I'm...guessing it's not a Welcome Wagon?''

Fletcher narrows his eyes. ''I don't like you.''

''Shame. Is this the part where you pick a fight with me because I'm different? Oh,'' Ben gasps dramatically and his eyes widen. ''Is this Glee? Oh my god, am I in Glee? Because that's my worst nightmare. I've had nightmares where everyone around me bursts into song. Or no, is this one of those after school specials? Because if it is, let's skip to the end, shall we? I overthrow the bullies in some showy way and you, being the bully in this situation, run off screen crying like a baby. And then I get the girl and the meek take over the earth.'' Ben smiles pleasantly. ''Or we could just skip all that and co-exist in peace.''

Fletcher looks momentarily stunned and then rage quickly clouds over in his eyes. ''What makes you think you can talk to me like that?''

Ben shrugs and rises to his feet. ''I don't know. What makes you think you can talk to people like you're above them? Oh, see. Here we go. It's starting. We're starting the movie.'' He gestures between himself and the bully, pleasant smile still etched onto his lips. ''Let's not do that, okay?''

Fletcher takes what is probably meant to be a threatening step towards Ben and when Ben doesn't move, he stops. The dude actually looks confused. ''I don't like you,'' he finally growls out.

''You...said that already.''

Fletcher still looks confused. Like his master intimidation tactics have failed him horribly and he has no idea what to believe in anymore. Ben doesn't care. All he wants to do is get through the rest of his middle school and high school years relatively unscathed so he can be free of fluorescent lights, bored teachers, bullies and shit he never needs to learn. ''I've got my eye on you,'' Fletcher says lowly.

Ben grins. ''I'm flattered, really. But I don't swing that way.''

His comment pushes Fletcher over the edge and the taller and bigger boy goes forwards with his fist raised only to be stopped when his cronies suddenly stumble and fall into him. ''Oops,'' a small voice squeaks out from behind them. All eyes go to the girl with the gigantic backpack. ''Sorry,'' Lucky apologizes, smiling brightly in Fletcher's direction. ''It's this backpack. I think it might be too big.'' She stares up at the agitated bully with big doe eyes and even Fletcher seems to realize that hitting a girl ain't cool because he backs off.

''Whatever,'' he mumbles. He slinks away like a wounded puppy.

Lucky's eyes linger on Ben and Levi for a moment before she turns to go. She looks over her shoulder once and meets Ben's eyes with a small smile.

Ben feels a barely there grin start on his lips. When he eventually looks back at Levi, the other boy's eyes are wide and he looks positively dumbstruck. ''Dude,'' he sputters out. ''Are you James Dean reincarnated?''

Ben flinches at the name Dean and sinks back into his seat. No. Not James Dean. Better.

He is Dean Winchester's son.

* * *

The car rolls down the dusty driveway, crunching over gravel and dirt. Behind the wheel, Ruby is biting down on her lip and trying to ignore the dread creeping up in her stomach. Or maybe that's just the morning sickness. The old, familiar house looms in front of her and a sigh escapes her lips. This is probably the last place she wants to be. But what choice does she have? No one else will give her answers. What else is she supposed to do?

She cuts the engine and falls back against the seat, staring at the house with apprehension shining brightly in her eyes. Finally, she shakes her head, scoffs at herself and climbs out into the dust. She waves away the unfortunate dust cloud with a grimace of disgust, eternally grateful she decided to ditch her heels in favor of flats. This dirt driveway would be unforgiving. Honestly, Ruby will never understand how_ she _lives in seclusion like this.

The stairs creak under her weight and she steps cautiously on the old, rotted porch, mildly afraid it will give way beneath her. Birds chirp in the distance and seconds before she rings the doorbell, she feels that all too familiar feeling of eyes on her. She turns to scan the cluttered yard with careful eyes. Nothing. She slides her game face into place, tells herself this is the only option and rings the doorbell.

After a moment, the old door cracks open and Ruby barely catches a sight of those annoying big Disney Princess eyes before the woman on the other side of the door lets out a frightened squeak and tries to shut the door in Ruby's face. Ruby slams her hand into the door and forces her foot into the doorway, giving the redhead a glare. ''Clara,'' she says sternly. ''Don't be stubborn.'' She forces the door open and steps inside.

Clara Devonshire staggers backwards in fear. ''W-What do you want from me, Ruby?''

Ruby rolls her eyes at the other woman's oh-so-aggravating fear. Why are people so afraid of her? (Although, she does enjoy the fear most of the time.) ''I need your help.''

''That's unlikely.''

Naturally, because no is not an option, Ruby decides to take advantage of the fear radiating off of Clara. She shuts the open door behind her, scowls cruelly and takes a step forwards. ''Clara,'' she repeats. ''Don't. Be. Stubborn.''

''Okay, listen,'' Clara's voice trembles with anxiety as she clasps her hands in front of her. ''I know you must be devastated about...about Dean - ''

''_Don't_ say his name.''

''But I don't think going after me will solve anything. I know we haven't always gotten along, but - ''

_''Clara.''_

''I'll scream. I swear, I'll scream.''

''Oh, for God's sake.'' Ruby roughly shoves past Clara to take a seat on the ratty old couch, smoothing down her dress daintily and crossing one leg over the other. ''I'm not going to hurt you, little mouse. Haven't you heard? I'm not a demon anymore. This fine packaging is all human.''

Clara relaxes and leans against a nearby table, crossing her arms. ''Really?''

When Ruby catches sight of Clara's eyes sliding over to the knife Ruby knows she has hidden away somewhere, all she does is smirk. ''I wouldn't,'' she warns. ''Just because I'm not a demon anymore doesn't mean I can't beat your ass.''

''You know, I've never understood why you hate me so much,'' Clara says, sticking her nose up in the air.

''Oh, now.'' Ruby frowns in mock offense and tilts her head to the side. ''Whatever gave you the impression that I hate you?''

''Uh, the numerous death threats and yanking of the hair tipped me off.''

''I still maintain that there was something in your hair and I was merely helping you.''

''Ruby, whatever happened between Dean and I...it was years ago.''

Ruby stiffens and has to clench her fists to keep from standing and yanking out more of Clara's fugly red hair. ''I don't give a crap that you had sex with Dean up against some dirty bathroom wall in some dirty bar ten years before he even met me. The reason I don't like you is because when Bobby brought you onto that _stupid_ case because we needed your _stupid _psychic help, you blatantly flirted with Dean even though you_ knew _he was married.''

Clara grimaces. ''Okay, that was a bit of a bad judgment call on my part. He was just...so pretty.''

''You're digging yourself a grave here, Red.'' Ruby jiggles her foot impatiently, folding her arms across her stomach.

''You still haven't explained to me why you need my help,'' Clara says quietly.

''Well,'' Ruby gets to her feet. ''It was either you or Haley Joey Osment and since I'm pretty sure he's still wallowing in shame over the fact that his little sister chose to take a role on Hannah Montana, you're the next best thing.''

''...What?''

''You see dead people, Allison DuBois. You communicate with them. You talk to them.''

Clara looks apprehensive, attempting to avoid the other woman's eyes unsuccessfully. ''Yeah...''

Ruby's eyes go blank and devoid of any emotion as she pulls something from her pocket and tosses it onto the table Clara's leaning against. ''I want to talk to my husband.''

* * *

Ben is called into the guidance counselor's office during Math class. So in the end, going to the guidance counselor's office actually turns out to be a blessing in disguise. When the teacher's aide pulls him out of class, he throws a lazy smirk over his shoulder and drawls out a, ''See you, Case'' to the math teacher who, by the looks of it, is really beginning to dislike Ben. Not that he particularly cares about what Girlname Littleman thinks of him. (Dude has totally ruined math for him, by the way. Ben used to enjoy math.)

He strolls into the guidance counselor's office five minutes after leaving class, even though it should only take about two. There's a pretty young woman sitting behind the desk, looking nervous as she rearranges a stack of papers on her desk. She has dark hair and a kind, warm smile and his cocky attitude is instantly taken down a notch because of her strange likeness to his mother. She looks up, catches him staring and he looks away. ''Oh, hi.'' She smiles nervously and pushes a strand of dark hair from her eyes. ''You must be Ben Braeden.''

He blinks, clears his throat and does his best to avoid looking at her as he takes a seat in the chair across from her desk. He notes that the anxiety in the room is not just coming from him. ''Is it your first day too?''

''N-No.''

''Oh. I...guess that terrified look on your face must be natural, uh...'' He glances at the nameplate on her desk. ''Ms. Monroe.''

''You can call me Jamie.''

''What is up with this school and unisex names?''

''I'm sorry?''

''So, do you make kids call you by your first name in an effort to connect with them? Because if it is, can I give you some advice? Stop. Kids don't connect with adults.''

''Sure they do. But we're not here to talk about me, Ben. We're here to talk about you.'' She taps her blood red fingernails on her desk and matches him with a smirk that rivals his. She...definitely doesn't look like a jumpy guidance counselor anymore. She actually looks like a competent guidance counselor. ''And I'm assuming that's why you're pulling a 'tude with me?''

Okay then. So...looks like Mom, acts like a mixture of Dad and Ruby. Scary. ''I'm guessing you heard about my parents then? And now you want me to cry and reminisce and lay my head gently on your shoulder?'' He's doing his best to be a cocky brat, but he doesn't feel half as cocky as he did before. This Jamie chick actually seems to know what she's doing and talking about his feelings is even lower on his list of priorities than school is.

She studies him for a moment and then begins with a classic, ''I know this must be hard for you.''

He shuts down completely and tries to pretend he's not there. ''With all due respect,'' he says tonelessly. ''You have no idea what it's like. You don't know how hard it is.''

''Ben - ''

''Are your parents alive, Ms...Jamie?''

She flinches and looks away. ''Yes.''

He scoffs. ''Then don't pretend you know how hard it is for me or that you know how I feel because you don't.''

''...You're right,'' she says softly.

He looks up at her, lips puckered in surprise. That was not what he had been expecting. Frankly, he had been expecting a lecture about his attitude.

''I don't know what you're going through,'' she admits. ''And I can't pretend I do. But what I can do is listen. That's what I'm here for. I listen. We don't have to talk about your parents if you don't want to. We don't have to talk about school or moving here or how your home life is. You can talk to me about anything, Ben. I want you to know that.'' She smiles gently. ''We can talk about sports, if you want. Or what's on TV, or your favourite color.''

Ben looks up at her hopeful face for a long time before sighing and sinking farther into his seat. ''You mean well,'' he says eventually, voice so quiet he's sure she can't hear him. He looks up just to see if she's heard a word he's said and she's looking at him intensely. ''Everybody means well. I know that. And I'm not a bad kid. I'm not. I don't mean to be rude, but...talking doesn't help.''

''You'd be surprised.''

''It doesn't help,'' he repeats firmly. ''All it does it make things worse.''

She frowns, shaking her head in confusion. ''Why do you say that?''

''Because when I talk, I remember,'' he blurts out. ''Look, all I'm trying to do is move on. Remembering doesn't help me move on. I just want to forget and move on with my life, but I can't if people are always trying to get me to talk which I realize you have succeeded in and I'll be shutting up now.''

She seems to purposefully ignore the last part of his sentence, leaning forwards on her desk as she looks at Ben and holds his gaze. ''Ben,'' she says seriously. ''This probably isn't what you want to hear, but...forgetting does not come as easily as you might think. All it does it make those memories build up and build up until one day it all explodes and you can't do anything but remember.''

Ben swallows hard. ''...I don't want to talk anymore.''

* * *

The school day comes to an end. Finally. Ben has never been so relieved to hear the sound of a school bell in his entire life. As soon as he steps out of the school, he spots Ruby. His stepmother is not hard to spot. She is definitely not an inconspicuous person. She's perched on the hood of Dad's car (something Dad would, no doubt, snap at her for doing), staring down at something in her hands with her blond hair hiding her face from view. That coupled with the fact that she's the only parent there showing that amount of skin kind of gives her away. A mother and father a few feet away from her send her a few disapproving looks that she either doesn't notice or ignores and Ben shakes his head with a small, barely there smile. She's one of a kind, that's for sure.

As he's moving towards Ruby, a girl with brown hair bumps into him. He stops and turns to look at her. Lucky, her comically large backpack being hauled by a young man who Ben suspects is her older brother, turns her head and their eyes meet briefly. Eventually, Ben tears his eyes away from her to look back at Ruby. He approaches her with caution and a frown and when he sees what she's holding, his breath catches for a barely noticeable second. It's Dad's amulet. ''Ruby?'' He keeps his voice soft, debating whether or not to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder. ''Are you okay?''

She looks up at him and smiles. Ben finds it a little insulting that after she told him she hates fake smiles she has the gall to fake smile him. ''I'm fine.'' Yeah, sure. She's _always_ fine, isn't she? She slides off the hood of the car, jingling the car keys in her hand.

Ben trains himself not to react, gesturing towards the familiar necklace. ''What's that?''

Ruby holds it up and frowns deeply at the inanimate object as if she is incredibly disappointed in it. ''It was your Dad's. Here,'' she tosses it at him and he scrambles to catch it. ''You want it?''

''Really?''

She shrugs, making her way over to the driver's side door. ''Sure. Why not? Thing's useless to me.''

He arches an eyebrow as she yanks open the car door. ''Well, what was it supposed to do?'' He asks, walking around the car.

She climbs into the Impala without answering. Ben rolls his eyes and throws his backpack into the backseat before sliding into the seat next to her. ''So, how was school? You learn anything?'' She asks.

When he determines that no matter what he does, she is not going to tell him the reason for her bad mood, he shrugs and turns to look out the window. ''Yeah, actually. I learned that we apparently live in Tree Hill.''

''Mmmhmm and...who's the girl?''

He whips his head around to face her. ''Excuse me?''

''The girl. The one you were doing the whole Noah/Allie eye contact thing with. I'm not blind, you know.''

''Oh, her?'' He shrugs and can't look her in the eye. ''I don't know,'' he mumbles. ''She's just a girl.''

''A girl you like, you mean.''

He throws a hand over his face to hide the blush that he's sure is creeping up his cheeks. ''Shut up.''

* * *

Ruby waits until Ben is settled in the living room with his homework and AC/DC blaring from his headphones before she ducks into her room and allows herself to stop pretending she's fine. She's not fine. She is so far from fine it's not even funny. Fine...Fine is a dot to her! The door clicks shut quietly behind her and she leans heavily against the solid wood, a tired sigh escaping her lips. Bad day. Bad, bad day. She's exhausted, morning sickness (terrible, terrible name) is kicking her ass and her appointment with Ghost Whisperer did _not_ go the way she wanted it to go. She closes her eyes tight and feels that old familiar burn behind her eyes. She tries, but she can't quite keep the tears from coming this time.

When a choked whimper tumbles through her lips, she buries her face in her hands and can't do anything but let the sobs come. Her legs go weak beneath her and she slides to the ground. This isn't right. None of this is right. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. He's supposed to be here. They had been through so much; they had cheated death so many times before. Why is it so different this time? Her wedding ring feels cool against her skin that is hot with tears and that control she has strived so hard to have is slipping through her fingers fast. She swallows down another sob and does her best to breathe through it. She takes a few gulping breaths in an attempt to calm down and when she finally manages to regain her composure she hears his voice.

''Ruby.''

She looks up at him with red, blotchy eyes and a shaky smirk comes to rest on her lips. Sniffling, she wraps one arm around her stomach. ''I went to see Clara Devonshire today,'' she says in a whisper. ''That mousy little Jenna Fischer look-a-like may be an idiot, but she's good at what she does.''

Castiel nods stiffly. ''I know.''

She wipes at her eyes and hauls herself to her feet, mouth twisted into a scowl. ''She made sure to explain exactly how her..._abilities _work. Her soul reaches out to the soul of a deceased person and she makes contact. You give her a personal item that belonged to said dead person, you let her hold your hand and you get the answers you've been looking for. It's hokey and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hold that chick's hand because who knows where she's been, but I did it all. Because I wanted answers. I wanted the answers that _you_ wouldn't give me.'' She circles him slowly and he may look impervious to her intimidation tactics but she can see the way his eyes are following her nervously. ''Can you _guess_ what happened _next_, wings?''

He swallows visibly. ''I can.''

''She told me she couldn't reach him. Care to wager a guess as to_ why _she couldn't reach him?''

He sighs this tiny little sigh that makes her want to hit him. ''There is no need for games, Ruby.''

Her eyes flash; she darts forwards to grab his jacket. ''All you've done since he died is play games with me, Castiel! I don't want to play games anymore. I want the truth. For _once_! For once just give me the truth. You owe me that!''

His eyes darken and he looks down at her with his lips tightened into a thin line.

She lets go of him abruptly and takes a step backwards. ''Just tell me...'' Tears gather in her eyes once again and she doesn't even try to fight them off. She knows it's no use. ''Why couldn't Clara find his soul? Where is he? Is he...'' She swallows the lump that grows in her throat with some difficulty. ''Is he in Hell?''

''No.''

''Then is he in Heaven?''

''...No.''

''Then where is he?'' She bursts out. ''Where is my husband, Castiel? Where is his soul?''

He waits a long time before he tells her the exact answer she doesn't want to hear.

''I don't know.''

**end chapter three**

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* * *

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**AN: Oooh, intrigue. And Original Characters galore. Okay, now the only Original Characters who will probably make a few more appearances are Levi, Lucky and Ms. Jamie Monroe. Fletcher and Adrianna will probably be mentioned again, but not seen. And Clara's too afraid of Ruby to come back again. I'm not sure how many more chapters I'll be able to get posted before I go away for Christmas (and I also have to work on Queen of Hearts) but I'm aiming for at least one more chapter.**


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